Deadtime Stories/Freaky Fairy Tales (1987)







    





          An uncle is trying to watch the "Miss Nude Beauty Pageant” but his nephew won't go to sleep without some bedtime stories.


          1) Peter & the Witches – Peter is the son of a fisherman and was sold into slavery to two witches who want to bring their dead sister back from the dead. With Peter’s help, they will get all the ingredients they need, but some of those components require parts from human beings. Peter decides to put his foot down when the witches go after a woman with some dwarves as roommates.

          2) Little Red Runninghood – “Rachel” in her red running outfit has just met a wolf…a werewolf that went to the pharmacy to get his pills that will prevent him from making “the turn” but the drugstore clerk accidentally gives it to Rachel…so the wolf goes to Rachel’s grandmother’s house where she is expected to get the pills…well you can imagine what’s gonna happen.

          3) Goldi Lox & the 3 Baers – Goldi Lox is a serial killer with ESP and Mama Baer has just broken out Papa Baer & Baby Baer from the insane asylum. Turns out Goldi has been spending time in the abandoned house of the Baers and they return to their old hideout. The 2 forces will collide and it’s not gonna be pretty.

          Overall: The first story is fairly lame and the 2nd story is mildly interesting. The gems are the wraparound story of the uncle as well as “Goldi Lox.” The entire Goldi story is just absolutely hilarious and enjoyable. In fact I’d say...find this film, if only for that one. A few quotes:

Uncle Mike: Once upon a time, there was a little girl named "Rachel." Actually, she wasn't all that little. She was a hot-looking high school senior with deep blue eyes, and fine, firm breasts and...
Little Brian: That's not the way Mommy tells it!
Uncle Mike: Shut up, that's the way I tell it.

Goldi Lox: Hi, my name is Goldi. Actually, it's Golda. I was born during the Six-Day War.
Judith "MaMa" Baer: Isn't she sweet, Papa? She'll be like the daughter we never had.
Goldi Lox: And you'll be like the parents I brutally slaughtered!


          Basically anytime you have the characters of "Lieutenant Jack B Nimble" and "Captain Jack B. Quick," you know you are in for a treat. The songs are hilarious also, written for the film spoofing serial killers & the like. Do catch this movie and trust me it will be difficult to find. Not on DVD and probably a rarity in the “older films” section of the video store. But if you watch it, enjoy it.









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