Vampire Femmes (1999)
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Persephone, Medea, and Jezebel are young nubile vampires who just can't help putting sex before dinner. But beware! They insist you bleed first! Mary has left her abusive cop husband and ends up finding the 3 women who try to get her to agree to become a vampire, so she can forever throw off the abusive apron-strings of her hubby. But Ken won't have it and will do anything to get his wife back. He finds his wife at the house but can't seem to find a way in, until he meets up with some car salesman he routinely busts for drugs. With amateur cops at his side, they are ready to do battle with the un-dead.
Overall: Ok, it's true. I know I called "Troll 2" the worst film ever. Sorry, this really is it. This is the truest of true b-movies, on an Ed Wood scale of badness. The punches don't connect, the effects are horrible and basically these people couldn't act their way out of a plastic cheese-head. I mean the dialogue is worse here than in a porn film. Horrible, horrible film that is light-years worse than "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" could ever be. I mean, they can't even afford to give Ken the cop, a uniform. He's pulling over bad guys in jeans and a T-shirt. Oh, and there are only like 3 scenes in the entire film - ½ take place on an abandoned street in the middle of nowhere - and to think that in "Leaving Las Vegas," the producers actually had to shoot quickly because they had no permission to film. Who the hell gave these people permission? I think the most imaginative part of this film are the characters names and basically I hardly even heard any of the 3 vamp's names until I saw the credits. Ugh! You can't possibly see a worse film than this - believe me, and it really is worse than the attempted rape scene in "Savage Vengeance." And what sort of accent is that fortune teller using? The cast of "Big Brother 1" was better, and they really sucked! Comparison: Three Musketeers meets Bram Stoker's Dracula (11/1/03) I wrote the above back on 10/22/2000 and named this the worst film ever but since then I caught 5 worse ones and I nominated them for the Juicer Awards. |
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