Candy Stripers (2006)

- written August 2006

Summary: Matt has just gotten hurt in what was a very rough basketball game. Off to the hospital he goes but while he’s trying to recuperate, he realizes not everything is all right at this place of recovery. Soon Matt finds out the hospital staff aren’t exactly human anymore and that’s not a good thing.           Overall: Sometimes, I watch a movie and it’s just “so-so” which gets my readers a small review. Other films just can’t seem to avoid “controversy” and hence gets a review like this one.           So, let me address the first thing straight off. The title. Seriously...if you’re reading this and you are under the age of 25, have you ever heard of a “candy stripe nurse”? Ignore the “pretty” box cover. Had someone walked up to you and said, “what’s a candy striper,” could you have answered correctly? I doubt it. This is an outdated and extinct concept at this point (2006), as well as the 1970’s perpetuated myth that all these ladies did was make out with the patients.           Down to brass tacks. A female hospital volunteer can also be referred to as a “candy striper” or “a candy stripe nurse.” They’re named as such because of the outfit they wear, normally a red/white jumper. Back in the 1970’s, we had more than a few cheesy sex comedies involving nurses getting it on with patients with nudity all over the place. This film I truly think is about 20 years too late.           The film was amusing. I’ll give you that. And they do even make a cheesy attempt at addressing the obvious idea that once bodies start to be found, then why don’t people just leave??? I accept that. But the flaws and holes in this film’s plot are just too massive. No fun pointing them all out so I’ll address a few and let you find the rest.           Frankly, we see almost nothing in terms of our alien friends coming to earth and all we do see is this green lizard thingy attacking and implanting itself in a girl, later transported to the hospital. From there we eventually find out that they can magically infect anyone, via a kiss. Ladies get a kiss and turn into “aliens”, men get some cocoon thingy and just stand around in some web. We assume that these ladies are trying to create more aliens and somehow sugar is the cure for this. We’re not told why sugar is the key, are never truly told what the aliens want, why they landed here and what the hell the men are doing stuck in webs, or why the webs exist. They’re just simply there. And although we’re told that the aliens won’t infect anyone over the age of 60 and under the age of 12, they don’t explicitly tell us why...we should figure out because they want women who can have babies…but the film never has anyone smart enough to stay...”the aliens only take over women, not men.”           I think the part that shocked me the most, in terms of a bad script, was when Matt watches his friend, in the hospital room, get attacked by one of the alien nurses. He’s sitting there, trying to yell...but doesn’t really. Throws his crutch at the lady at one point…eventually gets a supervising nurse's attention which breaks up the love-fest and then sorta just lets the night pass without comment. Like what we just saw wasn’t that important to deal with, until the next morning, when they all sorta nonchalantly decide to leave the hospital. Hello!!! You had the kid attacked and then, all is well, until daylight? Whatever.           In the end, the film has a decent amount of gore, when they wanted to…and then at other times, they transition away from action when they could have had more. The finale as Matt and his “crush” attempt to stop the alien breeding once and for all...well as they transitioned away to the next scene…I sorta felt cheated. Give me a climax or give me death…           Comparison: 976-Evil meets Candy Stripe Nurses

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